I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
