you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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