Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
