Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
