cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
