They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
