you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
