he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Please don't give away my fajitas
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
