I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
