Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
