I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
