So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
