The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
