3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
