first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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