He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
