its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
