Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
