I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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