Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize