well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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