apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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