So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
