Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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