It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
