I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
