Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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