Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize