My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
