we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
