She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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