My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize