Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
