so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
