you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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