I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
