he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
