How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
