i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
