Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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