Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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