I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
