Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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