I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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