Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
