I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
