she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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