There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
