HIV tests are more positive than that guy
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
