Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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