Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
