we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
