It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
