Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
