nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
