im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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