I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
