oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
