either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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