i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize