I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
