Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
