Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
