Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
