if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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