He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
