it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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