I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
