Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
