we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
