Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
