tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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