i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
