I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize