I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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