I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
